he stared at his watch, noting seconds ticking away his opportunity. he would glance towards the farther side of the classroom, hoping to catch her stealing a glimpse at him. even that would have made his day. wild thoughts and even old advices raced through his mind however only to make him restrain himself from advancing towards her. she might accept him into her life or would she just treat him just like all the other guys? he dint dare to answer though part of him know where he stood.
time's up, there she goes off with her classmates who will enjoy every ounces of her company. he just stood there numbing himself with the same old excuses, lying to himself that he will one day get what he want.. all these wasted chances will soon come back to haunt him.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
1 year 6 months later..
nothing much ever changes around, cept that i've started to pay for everything i own now.
the more i've lived, i realise that life is greatly affected by mood, no life will suck if you are happy, its a matter of perception and outlook of how our mind digest whatever that comes. sadly its a tough skill that requires people to stay positive or in another word LIE.
life is never fair to begin with, not to those born in the third world countries where its either the never ending war and hatred of 2 or more group of people that affect the innocent newborn, purely innocent victims. they are brought into a world of pain, sufferings that nobody, no fucking anyone should deserve. why?
people like us in singapore are brought up in an environment where everything is provided for; a six year old singaporean child can complain about not having an iphone while another six year old in the other part of the atlas is starving, counting down on the last few ration his family can sustain on. why?
we should be reminded that we are so fortunate to even live, in a peaceful country, where food are of abundance. no matter how much you feel shitty about living here, please be reminded that you are not the only one with such minor problems, there are those who will kill to be in your shoes.
good9, sad world~
the more i've lived, i realise that life is greatly affected by mood, no life will suck if you are happy, its a matter of perception and outlook of how our mind digest whatever that comes. sadly its a tough skill that requires people to stay positive or in another word LIE.
life is never fair to begin with, not to those born in the third world countries where its either the never ending war and hatred of 2 or more group of people that affect the innocent newborn, purely innocent victims. they are brought into a world of pain, sufferings that nobody, no fucking anyone should deserve. why?
people like us in singapore are brought up in an environment where everything is provided for; a six year old singaporean child can complain about not having an iphone while another six year old in the other part of the atlas is starving, counting down on the last few ration his family can sustain on. why?
we should be reminded that we are so fortunate to even live, in a peaceful country, where food are of abundance. no matter how much you feel shitty about living here, please be reminded that you are not the only one with such minor problems, there are those who will kill to be in your shoes.
good9, sad world~
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Meaningful Nonsense
I've seen other people blog writing all about how people should live their life and everything, all the meaningful nonsense that are true. They were well written and i agree in most parts but as time go by, i've realised that alot of people also have the same sentiment.
Now what does that show? Almost everyone are able to understand what life should be lived and how it should be handled. They know how they want to live their life, be it meaningful or in shame depending on how they were brought up and taught because not everybody is the same. For instance, i might find smoking something to live with, others might hate it.
However, when i realised that most people have thought about these really DEEP and CHIM things, i find it weird why they are still not doing it according to what they wrote and their values... What is holding them back?
Now what does that show? Almost everyone are able to understand what life should be lived and how it should be handled. They know how they want to live their life, be it meaningful or in shame depending on how they were brought up and taught because not everybody is the same. For instance, i might find smoking something to live with, others might hate it.
However, when i realised that most people have thought about these really DEEP and CHIM things, i find it weird why they are still not doing it according to what they wrote and their values... What is holding them back?
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Hello stranger.
He always take the bus from a stop behind to not get seen with the crowd. They all thought that he hated the crowd. Only he knows why. He often wonder why is he so different from the others. He wants to change, nothing changed. Just then, the pink girl board the bus. He dint know her. He wants to know her. He know he cant unless something happens. Nothing happened. He just sat there waiting, wondering if he falls under the stalker catagory.
Nah, i think he is just desperate. And something is really wrong with his life.
Nah, i think he is just desperate. And something is really wrong with his life.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Reflection Value
"So, 3 years of my Poly life are gone now and what have I learnt so far. Well, without a doubt they will be the 3 years of basic engineering skills i've obtained and some other stuff that I cant learn elsewhere.
I've made friends from around the school, I guess thats a good thing? See, most of my friends that came to TP since year one have been expelled due to certain reasons and I find it quite hard to socialise with others as well. That made me quite introverted when I have class to attend alone. People from around the school will hardly see me around after my time table ends as I usually head straight back home because there is nothing else to do. I dont have a CCA or some event that I have to attend most of the time. True, I know that by going to such activities will enable me to make more friends but I dont feel good when I'm with people I dont know. I've done charities set up by the engineer people call L.I.F.E or something, I had to go door to door collecting used books from houses around Pasir Ris. I thought, why not? Maybe I can do some good deeds while getting to know new people. But things just turn out that I get outcasted as they all are already friends and its hard to get into their circle of thoughts and humour because I find them really stupid. Prior to that, I've joined the E-Guides and that made me worse. All they do is cheer and bad mouth others. I just cant handle politics with people gossiping about others I dont know about, and I have to agree with them just to be friends with them. Cheering is also another huge obstacle for me as I cant get into the mood to do that. Call me weird or strange, well thats who I am.
Whatever it is, I managed to ski through 3 years of my Poly life. I still get to know great people that can click with me; that have the same level of mentality and thoughts. However they do not have the same time table as me so I'll just have to deal with it from time to time. Studying together would also be an issue because we dont stay close together so we hardly meet up except during school time. I know that cannot be a reason why my grades are so low but you have to understand that it affects me a lot. Without the morale to study, without the motivation, I understand that I have to deal with it but I just cant. Thats why I hated going to school every morning, knowing that i'll probably go home alone. I see people around school normally walk in pairs or in a big group with that huge smile on their face enjoying their poly life. I'll just have to walk pass them looking down, beaten and tired. I've tried to put on a brave front and walk with confidence along the concourse alone but thats just lying to myself and I hated it.
I've always blamed it on my o'level results as I just missed a point to get to a business course where there are much more girls to ogle at with my new friends. I then slowly realised that I'll still be the same as I'm just me. I guess I really did screw up my poly life and wasted 3 teenage years. Well that aint going to bring me down because I know that all of these will change in the future, and no-one deserves to be so helpless at what life throw at them.
*Ps: Our conversation on the phone just now, you said stop running away already. That made me realise that I should really stop. Thanks, that meant something.
F**J***Y***
(********E) "
Yes life's like that.
I've made friends from around the school, I guess thats a good thing? See, most of my friends that came to TP since year one have been expelled due to certain reasons and I find it quite hard to socialise with others as well. That made me quite introverted when I have class to attend alone. People from around the school will hardly see me around after my time table ends as I usually head straight back home because there is nothing else to do. I dont have a CCA or some event that I have to attend most of the time. True, I know that by going to such activities will enable me to make more friends but I dont feel good when I'm with people I dont know. I've done charities set up by the engineer people call L.I.F.E or something, I had to go door to door collecting used books from houses around Pasir Ris. I thought, why not? Maybe I can do some good deeds while getting to know new people. But things just turn out that I get outcasted as they all are already friends and its hard to get into their circle of thoughts and humour because I find them really stupid. Prior to that, I've joined the E-Guides and that made me worse. All they do is cheer and bad mouth others. I just cant handle politics with people gossiping about others I dont know about, and I have to agree with them just to be friends with them. Cheering is also another huge obstacle for me as I cant get into the mood to do that. Call me weird or strange, well thats who I am.
Whatever it is, I managed to ski through 3 years of my Poly life. I still get to know great people that can click with me; that have the same level of mentality and thoughts. However they do not have the same time table as me so I'll just have to deal with it from time to time. Studying together would also be an issue because we dont stay close together so we hardly meet up except during school time. I know that cannot be a reason why my grades are so low but you have to understand that it affects me a lot. Without the morale to study, without the motivation, I understand that I have to deal with it but I just cant. Thats why I hated going to school every morning, knowing that i'll probably go home alone. I see people around school normally walk in pairs or in a big group with that huge smile on their face enjoying their poly life. I'll just have to walk pass them looking down, beaten and tired. I've tried to put on a brave front and walk with confidence along the concourse alone but thats just lying to myself and I hated it.
I've always blamed it on my o'level results as I just missed a point to get to a business course where there are much more girls to ogle at with my new friends. I then slowly realised that I'll still be the same as I'm just me. I guess I really did screw up my poly life and wasted 3 teenage years. Well that aint going to bring me down because I know that all of these will change in the future, and no-one deserves to be so helpless at what life throw at them.
*Ps: Our conversation on the phone just now, you said stop running away already. That made me realise that I should really stop. Thanks, that meant something.
F**J***Y***
(********E) "
Yes life's like that.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Feb
4 months later, nothing much changed for him. He tried to want something different. He tried to want to change. He cant. He will always be a shadow. A follower. He dont want to be nice anymore, he dont want to the one always caring for the rest. He want to be the one in need. He needs help.
I find that only with different perspective, then we can be happy. Thats somehow lying to yourself.
I find that only with different perspective, then we can be happy. Thats somehow lying to yourself.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Bartender
Hi haze and moon, I've finally become a bartender( @marriot hotel, Barnone and TheLivingRoom) after wanting it for like dont know how long. I initially thought that being a bartender is going to be easy but wow, it isnt. 1st day of work was challenging, it is not much on the work that was tough, its the people there. Newcomers dont usually get welcome.. Its the really senior bartenders that have the patience and the knowledge of teaching to teach us. Gossips there travel around fast ( and i tot girls were better at it ), it only took an hour for all the bartender to know. Its my 2nd & a half week here and is still holding on. I've managed to swallow my pride for that long, i wouldn't have done that if not for some complicating issues i had. Nontheless, I'm learning alot more now and hope that they have more patience with my slow-paced intake of product knowledge.
And dear moon, y do u keep ignoring my endless whispers of wishes thoughout my life? Are u receiving em or are my wishes still pending in ur inbox which u have not yet seen? I hope its the latter. Goodnight moon, see you tomorrow night :)
And dear moon, y do u keep ignoring my endless whispers of wishes thoughout my life? Are u receiving em or are my wishes still pending in ur inbox which u have not yet seen? I hope its the latter. Goodnight moon, see you tomorrow night :)
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